The title of this post is out of bell hook's All About Love, and I have found it to be a major theme that keeps coming up in my life. I recently began a job at a non-profit who believes that caregivers of children need to have support themselves in order to care for others. I've also really noticed people in my life who seem unable to love and really care for themselves, and thus are in no position to give love, or even receive it from others.
When I was in 8th grade, I worshiped the RENT soundtrack (ok, if pressed, I still do), but I remember distinctly being attracted to Roger telling Mimi, "you'll never share real love, until you love yourself-- I should know." It all made sense in my head, but I had no idea what really loving oneself looked like. Now, at 23 and out of college, I can appreciate those lines a little more, partly because I've invested some time into getting to know, appreciate, and love myself and realize how hard it is and partially because of how much I've seen it rings true. If you can't love yourself, who else is? I've seen way too many people try to use others as a means to love, rather than starting with themselves. Others are of course a wonderful means of support, but how can someone else really love you unless you put that investment in yourself?
I admit, there are days when I am not particularly head-over-heels for myself, but definitely, over time, within wonderfully supporting community spaces and growing opportunities, I have for the most part learned to love myself. It's a journey, but totally one worth the effort. I'm not perfect (which is ok) and I have taken steps back, but am proud of the energy I've made towards developing generally positive feelings about myself and trying to give myself the love and care I need and deserve. And only in that state can I be open to giving and receiving love from others.
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