Wanna try a new position?

Oh my goodness this site is not only absolutely hilarious but might inspire you to try out something new :)

Trans 101 Video

I found this at feministing and I think it's a really good video for those who don't know much or anything about transgender folks. It's educational without being sensational (as compared to, say, Thomas Beattie on Oprah) and is a good introduction to basic trans and gender concepts. Check it out!

Oh, being a lady in 2009...

Sarah Haskins is totally awesome and this episode of Target Women is no exception. Enjoy!

Old Naked Women for Peace

So my awesome former teacher also sent me the link to this video and although it's pretty funny and I believe in their message of promoting justice and peace, I have to say, it doesn't completely sit right with me. These women are clearly playing off the notion that old fat naked women do not exactly fit the beauty ideal, and at the same time are reinforcing the ideal rather than challenging it. The "threat" they make in the name of their cause makes a statement, but also encourages observers and participators to think of these bodies as not just undesirable but downright disgusting, rather than beautiful. If we are going to redefine beauty to be more inclusive and positive for all women, we should stop referring to ourselves in negative terms and instead promote the idea that all women can be beautiful, 'cause I don't know about you, but when I'm old, I'm going to be sexy as hell.

I was introduced to this poem a few months ago and had to share it. Creating and maintaining positive body image is a constant struggle for many people (myself definitely included) so finding things that promote positive attitudes about bodies are really important. Hopefully one day positive body image won't be so rare.

Eat out more often!

One of my former teachers saw this and thought of me...pretty badass!

Learning to accept my "monthly gift"

It's that time of the month here at sex.feminism.empowerment.life which has me thinking about menstruation (naturally), most specifically, my relationship to my own period. Since I started using a menstrual cup, my relationship to the menstruation process has changed quite a bit. While I used tampons (and even, back in the day, pads) I never really developed a clear idea of what menstrual fluid is like, let alone have any real conception of how much my body actually produced. Tampons allowed me to never fully associate my period with my body or even myself. It seemed like, as it was so aptly put in the vagina monologues an "inexplicable phenomena." Using a menstrual cup (a mooncup to be specific) has forced me to own my period- a monthly event I once dreaded with every fiber of my being- and develop an actual relationship with it. The mess I shied away from now seems natural and even kind of ::gasp:: cool. It's really interesting to see what my body produces and lets me know that my body is functioning as it should. I think being given spaces to speak about my period in actual terms (rather than in wispered euphemisms) has been another factor in this change. While many people still seem uncomfortable with the idea of periods (which strikes me as odd, concidering women have been having them since, ya know, the dawn of time) it doesn't have to be that way. While having a period may not be everyone's favorite activity, there is no reason women should be so disconnected with such a natural process (discussions about discomfort with other natural processes to come, I'm sure.) Breaking the silence, emabarassment and shame around menstruation is one step, as is encouraging women in our lives to respect and embrace their own cycles, and celebrating them rather than dreading them.

Gender as...playful

Today I've been thinking a lot about gender and gender presentation, most likely because the class I facilitate has an assignment due today called "Pushing Gender" in which they push their gender in some way, shape or form. When I did this assignment, I decided to dress fairly "gender neutral"- in baggy clothing with my hair up and no makeup. People around me didn't react to me differently, but I felt self-conscious and rather blah all day. My reaction kind of surprised me, especially since in high school I lived in t-shirts, sweatshirts, jeans and shorts from the guy's department. Did this transformation mean I was finally giving into my mother's requests that I look more feminine? I think now, more so than in high school, I see my gender presentation as something I'm conscious of and consciously respond to based on how I feel. Presenting feminine is something I really enjoy-- it's like playing dress up. Most importantly, it's something I choose. Dressing feminine has no real baring on my interests or who I am as a person; in fact, I often wonder if my interests and characteristics on paper if people would categorize me as "masculine" or feminine." It really makes me think about how important expressing oneself can be, and one of those ways is through gender presentation. Gender is something I've played with and put on, and finding something that fits- not because my mom or anyone else thinks I should, but because it feels right to me- is a very powerful thing. I'm not guaranteeing my gender presentation will remain stable a year from now (or tomorrow) but I think the most important thing is giving myself permission to be comfortable with whatever I decide to portray.

The Morality of Sexuality

I recently finished reading The Purity Myth: How America's Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women by Jessica Valenti and am currently reading Yes Means Yes!: Visions of Female Sexual Power & A World Without Rape edited by Jaclyn Friedman and Jessica Valenti, and both of these books have me really thinking about my own relationship with sexuality. One of Valenti's major arguments in The Purity Myth is that young women's morality is based solely on whether or not she has sex, rather than being a good person. This means that any woman who isn't 100% "pure" (whatever that means) is not only considered dirty, but immoral, despite her character, kindness, integrity or any other number of qualities. Although I've found this pheomena to be true, I cannot comprehend why a woman's sexuality has anything, let alone everything, to do with her morality. These books have encouraged me to think about sexuality in a more positive light- rather than constantly thinking about "no" and what I'm not supposed to do, I feel more apt to think about what I want for myself and what I want has no baring on who I am as a persosn. Although I think it will be a process, I don't want to think about sexuality in terms of guilt, shame and fear anylonger. Rather, I want to think about what makes me happy and why, and let go of any hangups that have nothing to do with me.

Sexual Double Standards and Women's Desire

I was really irritated when I heard about a magazine for women which can't get material designed for the sexual arousal of women printed (despite women requesting more explicit material). This is especially frustrating considering the plethora of media aimed at arousing men. In movies, on TV, online and on the fronts of magazines (aimed at both women and men), we are bombarded with images of sexualized women. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, since women are not "supposed" to have active sexual desire, however, I'm still disappointed. Perhaps viewing men as sexual objects the way women are is not the most progressive of ideas, but it would at least acknowledge that women have sexual desires and can be sexual agents.

Funny Women on Collegehumor

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

In a realm such as comedy in which women are underrepresented and unappreciated, it's refreshing to see women spotlighted. Check out the rest of the comediennes here.

Holy crap...we don't hate men?!?!

http://www.feministing.com/archives/016973.html

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Apparently Being a Woman Means Always Being on a Diet

Watch Hot Fudge Sundae for Only in A Woman's World.

You'll laugh out loud when you watch this for the new series Only in a Woman's World.
View Now

After seeing the ad above, I was really pissed off. So, if we eat something that's delicious and decedent, it's understandable if we work out for four hours to counter the calories. Not only is it understandable, it's expected. I don't know about you, but if my friend told me that s/he worked out that long because they ate a sundae, I wouldn't find it understandable or humorous, I'd be concerned. The rest of the site seems to have the same message- women's #1 concern is their bodies and losing weight. The four characters bond over concerns about exercising and food consumption, but not in a way that emphasizes healthfulness, but rather with the motivation of being able to fit into a dress by Friday (as in webisode 9). I understand the website is for lower calorie snacks, so of course that is their emphasis, but I think the way it normalizes an unhealthy relationship with food is concerning. Food intake should not be the center of women's (or men's) lives, yet according to "A Woman's World," that is what being a woman entitles.

Mike Huckabee Discusses Abortion on the Daily Show

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Mike Huckabee
thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Jason Jones in Iran

A very respectful discussion on abortion by two people who quite obviously disagree. I was actually impressed by both of them, as abortion discussions are so often heated and each side demonized by the other. Jon Stewart did make a good point at the beginning, though: neither Jon Stewart nor Mike Huckabee will ever be in the situation of having to decide to get an abortion or not. I have always had an issue with men having huge opinions on abortion and wanting to limit reproductive rights. It's like straight people deciding on gay marriage-- it doesn't affect their personal rights, so why do they care? It just strikes me as majorly off. Anyway, I think this discussion really comes down to treating the fetus as a person and treating the woman as a person. But maybe I'm being too harsh...

Marriage is Overrated

I just read an article over at thefrisky about women not wanting to get married. As I mentioned in a previous post, I personally have never really felt a desire to don a white dress and walk down the aisle myself. I know I could do something less traditional or whatever, but the idea of having a wedding and being married really has just never appealed to me. Like the author of the article, I have encountered surprise when I tell people (especially family members) that I don't want to get married. I have been told that I'll grow out of it or that I haven't met the right person, but the gist is that I'll definately change my mind. On the other hand, I had someone once ask me if I wanted to end up alone. I don't think it's a phase and I don't think it's something to grow out of, and that line of thinking really irritates me. It assumes I don't know myself or my goals. It also assumes that my own conscious decision isn't valid and that I just don't know any better. Any time anyone brings up any of the previous statements, I feel like I'm a little kid who has just been told "you'll understand when you're older." I also don't believe not wanting to get married means I don't want a long-term partner. Marriage to me does not even necessarily equate love. I believe that when people fall in love, they should be able to find a relationship that works for them, but their options should certainly not be limited to marriage. To be honest, I don't know what form any of my future relationships will take. If it was really important to my partner, I would even concider getting married. But for me, marriage isn't important, and, despite what our wedding-obsessed culture would have us believe, there is nothing wrong with that.

Taking Care of Yourself Is Harder Than It Seems

The past few weeks I've been plagued with headaches (and the occasional migraine) almost every day (hence the lack of posting). Although I don't know what exactly is causing the headaches, I'm pretty sure at least one of the factors is stress- after all, I just graduated college, am job hunting and trying to find a place to live all at the same time. To be honest, I'm having a really hard time battling the stress. I know that exercising, eating well and taking time out for myself are all things I should be doing to keep balanced and healthy, but why is that so hard? I know I'm feeling the pressure (self-inflicted, mostly) to do it all at once: find a job, find an apartment and set up my post-college adult life. Clearly, however, the pressure is taking a toll on my health and well-being. How does one strike a balance between achieving one's goals and mentally and physically taking care of oneself? Is it ok to slacken standards? Being a perfectionist and wanting to be the best at everything are aspects of myself I've struggled with all of my life, and even though I'm aware of these tendencies I'm not sure how to effectively combat them. Perhaps I need to start being more conscious in my efforts to start reducing my stress and begin making that a priority in my life.

Empowerment: Awesome Friends Edition

Women are often portrayed in TV, magazines and celebrity gossip blogs as bitchy and conniving towards each other. Face it, America loves a good cat fight. We're encouraged to be competitive with one another over fashion, friendships, and, of course, men. I have to say I am so thankful that my life and the women in it don't reflect the TV screen. Yesterday I got to spend some time with some of the amazing women in my life, and it reminded me of how wonderful it is to have loving, supporting and fun people in my life. When things are going wrong, I know I can turn to them for advice or sympathy or an opportunity to rant. When something good happens, I know they will be there to congratulate and celebrate with me, and I can count on them to be excited for me. No one can do everything by themselves, and I am glad that I have found such amazing people to share my life with.

Spread of the DivaCup

My local grocery store, in addition to organic menstruation products, is now carrying DivaCups. I was surprised but totally thrilled. I've used a MoonCup now for the past 5 cycles or so and absolutely love it. Menstruation cups are not only better for the environment, by reducing the monthly waste pads and tampons create, but are also better for your body, since they do not absorb vaginal fluids, like tampons do. Menstrual cups are not as well known as disposable pads and tampons, but the more people are exposed to alternative medical products, whether because they know someone who uses them or by seeing them on the shelf in the grocery store, the more they will be normalized and, hopefully, used.

A Bit Old, but Totally Awesome

"Prop 8 - The Musical" starring Jack Black, John C. Reilly, and many more... from Jack Black

I had this stuck in my head the other day, so in light of the recent court decision, I decided to post it.

Is the Missionary Position Oppressive?

Last week, I was talking to one of my dear friends who goes to a Catholic University and somehow we got on the topic of sex (surprise, surprise). She informed me that not only does the Catholic church only believe sex is for procreation within marriage (thereby discounting any form of non-heterosexual sex) but that the only acceptable way to have sex is in the missionary position. I was a bit taken aback and surprised that the church would care. Why is the missionary position the only "acceptable" way to have sex, according to the Catholic church? Perhaps it's the theory that it's the best position to promote pregnancy or the fact that the man is on top, controlling the pace of the thrusting. Although the missionary position can seem domineering, I don't think it in itself is the problem. Sex should be whatever works for whoever is involved, and if having sex in only the missionary position is what some people choose, who is anyone to tell them they're wrong? It is not my, nor anyone else's, place to judge a person's sexual choices. As long as the people involved are consenting, anything goes, from group sex to monogamous missionary within marriage. Is the missionary position sexist? I think it depends on the situation and the people involved. It has the potential to be problematic to some. However, I think it's much more oppressive to limit people's choices when it comes to expressing their sexuality.

Empowerment: Baking Edition

When I was younger, I wasn't a fan of baking or anything else I perceived as domestic. I also managed to put a cup of baking soda in a recipe that called for half a teaspoon (my lack of desire to follow directions is a whole separate issue). However, fairly recently I have discovered the joy of baking. There is something very cool about creating something delicious out of separate ingredients. Baking is also something I can do for the people I love in my life. I can make rockin' cookies or a cake for a friend's birthday. For me, baking isn't some domestic chore; rather, it's become a way to express myself, create something and share love. If that isn't empowering, I don't know what is.

California Supreme Court Declaires Prop 8 Constitutional

I have to be honest, marriage has never meant all that much to me. I never dreamed about my wedding day or really felt like marriage was a life goal I had for myself. However, as I'm watching the battle over same-sex marriage unfold in front of me, I realize how much of a privilege it is to even be able to decide if marriage is something I want to do or not.
I have a really hard time believing that this is even an issue. That Californians would even care who gets married and who doesn't, let alone go out of their way to make sure certain populations of people cannot get married. I feel like it is such a no-brainer, that all people should have the same rights, that I am completely perplexed by the existence of Prop 8, it's passing, and now, the court's ruling. Prior to election night this November, I did not even consider the possibility that Prop 8 would pass, and now it has been ruled constitutional.
This is a setback, but it's not the end. I really do think that eventually gay marriage will be legalized in my lifetime. Until then, we'll continue to fight.

Activist Inspiration: 3rd Grader Organizes Gay Marriage Rally

When I watched this video on feministing it gave me goosebumps. It can be a hard thing to stand up for what you believe in, even as an adult, so it's even more amazing when a 9-year-old has not only the courage, but the inspiration and drive to do it. Rock on, little man!

Empowerment: Graduating from College Edition

Yesterday was a day I had dreaded for the past 5 years: I graduated from college. I love college and never ever wanted to leave (hence the victory lap) but there is something pretty cool about walking across that stage. I am proud that I picked and stuck with a major I liked, even though it may not offer the most lucrative positions. I am proud that I can finally say I have a B.A. I am also proud that I got really involved with campus life while I've been here. For me, college has been about personal growth and development. I was more interested in learning about who I was as a person than having the highest GPA or writing papers more than 8 hours before they're due. I also wanted to find amazing people who would be my friends for the rest of my life. I'm lucky in that I have accomplished all three: I have done well in school, grown a lot as a person and befriended really great people who I look forward to having in my life for years to come. College has helped me become the person I am, both in terms of character and in terms of interests. If it wasn't for college, I never would have gotten involved with feminism, sexuality or any of the things you see here. College has helped me become a confident, sassy, empowered woman. It has (and continues to) let me know that I still have a lot to learn. Just because I've graduated from college and now have a degree (well, technically, when they send it to me mid-summer) doesn't mean that I know everything, or even close. College has opened up worlds for me that I haven't yet had the time to explore. But I now have a curiosity sparked in me that I will carry with me throughout my life. Graduating from college may be a bit different than I pictured it years ago (I, for one, figured I would be done with all of my finals BEFORE graduation, but, alas, that is one of the issues with going to a big school) but it has been and empowering experience, nonetheless. I feel like I've come out the other side with much more than just a degree. I feel like I've found the base knowledge, passion and relationships from which to build the foundations of my independent adult life.

Who is your favorite feminist?

A friend of mine asked me this the other day.
"Myself," I replied, "I am a feminist and I love myself."
And while I do believe loving oneself is a positive thing, truth be told, I don't know who my favorite feminist is. Somehow I have worked with feminist issues for the past 5 years without having read The Feminine Mystique or anything by Gloria Steinem. I have read bits and pieces of Angela Davis and bell hooks, but I really don't have a good grasp on their work. So, I am going to rectify the giant hole in my feminist knowledge by doing some research on famous feminists and profiling them on here. I'm going to look at the ones mentioned above, as well as Judith Butler, Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton, and I'm sure others will come up in my discussions and my research. Hopefully, next time someone asks me who my favorite feminist is, I will have an answer.

You Have Got to be Kidding Me

I was just checking out the Barnes & Noble website, browsing books and decided to check out what was under the category "gender studies." First off, it took me until the very end of the first page to identify anything I would call as feminist. More disturbingly, however, I found titles such as For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men and Becoming the Woman of His Dreams: Seven Qualities Every Man Longs For.
What. The. Hell.
Since when did gender studies become cosmo? So when women (or men) want to look for gender studies, this is what they'll find. A bunch of self-help books that supposedly teach women how to mold themselves into an "ideal" for some man. This is really disheartening. Books like these not only damage women by telling them to behave in certain ways to get a man, but it also shortchanges the men who would have loved these women as themselves. It also sets up a woman's primary concern to be finding a man- not even love- but a man. As if catching a man equates happiness. Not to mention the extreme heteronormativity of the whole thing.
I have to admit, I have never opened one of these books (and, quite frankly, never plan to) because I a) have no desire to be exposed to such crap b) have no desire to contribute to the market for such crap but I do have a pretty good feeling that any book entitled Becoming the Woman of His Dreams is not going to be particularly enlightened. I am just enraged that anyone who would go out of their way to look for gender studies is going to be told that this qualifies as gender studies. I think I'm going to send a nasty email to B&N...

A Mission Statement of Sorts

When I first conceived of writing a feminist blog, it was about a year ago. As an English major, and thus, avid reader of books, I thought it would be pretty cool to have a running feminist book review. School and life got in the way, but I kept the idea in the back of my mind. Then, this January, I noticed I was giving people quite a bit of sex advice, and I thought maybe a sex blog was in my future.

This project is a combination of those two ideas, along with many others I have had since. On this blog I will not only be discussing books and sex (delightful as these topics are) but also gender, feminism and whatever else happens to feel relevant to me at the time. I’m hoping to have some recurring columns and themes, and am excited to explore and grow with the blog.

This blog will also serve as a learning experience for me; as my views shift and change, they will be recorded here. I am by no means the expert on any one topic, and am not trying to act as such. I am just a person who is interested in these topics and am absolutely willing to learn from others. So, if you disagree with anything I say (or agree, for that matter), by all means let me know. On that note, the views expressed in this blog will be based on my own point-of-view and experiences. I am not trying to speak for anyone but myself, but am interested in exploring ideas and hearing from other points-of-view and experiences.

So with that, let the adventure begin…