Gender as...playful

Today I've been thinking a lot about gender and gender presentation, most likely because the class I facilitate has an assignment due today called "Pushing Gender" in which they push their gender in some way, shape or form. When I did this assignment, I decided to dress fairly "gender neutral"- in baggy clothing with my hair up and no makeup. People around me didn't react to me differently, but I felt self-conscious and rather blah all day. My reaction kind of surprised me, especially since in high school I lived in t-shirts, sweatshirts, jeans and shorts from the guy's department. Did this transformation mean I was finally giving into my mother's requests that I look more feminine? I think now, more so than in high school, I see my gender presentation as something I'm conscious of and consciously respond to based on how I feel. Presenting feminine is something I really enjoy-- it's like playing dress up. Most importantly, it's something I choose. Dressing feminine has no real baring on my interests or who I am as a person; in fact, I often wonder if my interests and characteristics on paper if people would categorize me as "masculine" or feminine." It really makes me think about how important expressing oneself can be, and one of those ways is through gender presentation. Gender is something I've played with and put on, and finding something that fits- not because my mom or anyone else thinks I should, but because it feels right to me- is a very powerful thing. I'm not guaranteeing my gender presentation will remain stable a year from now (or tomorrow) but I think the most important thing is giving myself permission to be comfortable with whatever I decide to portray.